Short Top Ten Lists

SHORT TOP TEN LISTS

Top Ten Signs Your Cow Has Mad Cow Disease

1. Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred.

2. Your cow thought Frank Bruno would beat Mike Tyson.

3. Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of its ears.

4. She refuses to let you milk her, saying: "Not on a first date."

5. You catch your cow hiding secret plans to burn down half of Chicago.

6. Your cow demands to be branded with the 'Golden Archs Logo'.

7. Your cow appears on Oprah and Jerry Springer, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow's body.

8. Your cow is wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne.

9. Your cow quits the family dairy and applies for a job at Burger King.

10. Your cow prefers Whiskas to plain old grass.

Top Ten Things PMS Stands For

1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4. Puffy Mid-Section

5. People Make Me Sick

6. Provide Me with Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweatpants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

11. Plainly; Men Suck

12. Pack My Stuff

13. Permanent Menstrual Syndrome

Top Ten Black Plays Coming To Broadway

10. Momma Done Burnt the Chicken Again

9. I Ain't Seen My Daddy Since the 80's: Tales from the Ghetto

8. Menace II Society 2: The Return of Kaine, Tupac, Biggie and introducing Big Pun

7. Momma, It's the 1st and the Check Ain't Here: A Ghetto Tragedy

6. A Tale of Two Baby Daddies

5. Momma, I'm Pregnant...Again!

4 - Momma, It's the 15th and the Check Still Ain't Here: The Sequel to the Tragedy on the 1st

3. How Can I Keep My Lexus and Range Rover on A Secretary's Salary?

2. I Hate My Baby Momma: Starring Shawn Kemp and Bobby Brown and Headlining, O.J. Simpson

1. Who Drank All the Damn Kool-Aid: A Ghetto Mystery