LONG TOP TEN LISTS

10) Ellen DeGeneres-- Suffocates in the closet

9) Susan Lucci--Trips and breaks her neck while running up steps to accept an Emmy

8) Jenny McCarthy--Struck by a random thought

7) Frank Sinatra--Killed by Strangers in the Night

6) RuPaul--Prostate cancer

5) O.J. Simpson--Murdered by the "real killer" in an apparent suicide

4) Madonna--Exposure

3) Unabomber--Mail bomb returned due to "insufficient postage"

2) Al Gore--Dutch Elm Disease

and the *Predicted* NUMBER ONE MOST IRONIC CELEBRITY DEATH IS:

1) Bill Gates--Falls out of a Window

Top Ten Signs That You are Too Drunk

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
2. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
3. Your job is interfering with your drinking.
4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alchohol stream.
5. Your career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
6. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
7. You sincerely believe alchohol is the elusive 5th food group.
8. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence? I think not!
9. Two hands and just one mouth.. - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
10. You can focus better with one eye closed.
    

Top Ten Best Reasons to Allow Drinking on the Job

1. It's an incentive to show up.

2. It reduces stress.

3. It leads to more honest communications.

4. It reduces complaints about low pay.

5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.

6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.

7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.

8. It encourages carpooling.

9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care.

10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.

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