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MAD REDNECK HUMOR

Redneck Computer Terms

"Hard drive"

Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.

"Keyboard"

1. Place to hang your truck keys.
2. Whare you're supposed to put da keys so da wife can find 'em. (from NetDummy Humor)

"Window"

Place in the truck to hang your guns.

"Floppy"

When you run out of Polygrip.

"Modem"

1. How you got rid of your dandelions.
2. What you did to da hay fields last July. (from NetDummy Humor)

"ROM"

Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.

"Byte"

First word in a kiss-off phrase.

"Reboot"

What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.

"Network"

Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.

"Mouse"

1. Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.
2. What leaves those little turds in da cupboard.

"LAN"

To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck."

"Cursor"

What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.

"Bit"

A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways."

"Digital Control"

What yore fingers do on the TV remote.

"Packet"

What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.

"Tab"

The amount of money you owe the bartender out of your next paycheck.

"Space bar"

Where aliens and astronauts go when they are thirsty.

"Backspace"

The place in back of front seat of the car where you keep a case of beer.

"Alt"

Form of verb "be" like, "I alt be gone now."

"Delete"

The lighter object like, "Don't gimmy the heavy one, gimmy the delete one."

"My Briefcase"

What you put all your ol' stuff in when "she" gets mad at you.

"Shift"

What you must do when blue lights come on.

"Disc"

What you do before you plow, to level the ground.

"Ram"

1. Dodge pick up truck.
2. Da hydraulic thing that makes da woodsplitter work.

"Rom"

Wander: "Wher' ya goin?" "Ah dunnow. Recon I'll jus rom round"

"Refresh"

Mix another Jack Daniels and 7.

"Browser"

Bowser's name when you're drunk.

"Web"

DUH? should be obvious. What spiders make, tickles yer butt when you gotta go while in the woods.

"Edit"

Past tense of "eat" "Wher'd that leftover possum belly go?" " You edit afore you passed out las nite.

"Gig"

Frogging implement; frog gig. Used while air boating. A bamboo, or fiberglass pole with straightened fish hooks on the business end for spearing frogs.

"Internet"

Where her fish were when she caught em ( In er net).

"Buddy list"

Names and phone numbers on the inside wall of the public outhouse above the hole.

"Tab"

Anceint soft drink, used to mix low calorie drinks with white lightnin.

"Computer Chips"

What you have when your computer takes a dump, sorta like cow chips.

"Shift"

What you do to get that truck to go.

"Ins"

To Enter, as in, "Ins ya go, outs you go".

"Scanner"

1. What you do to a good lookin' woman.
2. What you listen to the police band on.

"Log On"

Making da wood stove hotter.

"Log Off "

Don't add wood.

"Monitor"

1. Keep an eye on da wood stove.
2. What you do when you suspect your wife of cheatin.

"Megahertz"

When a big log drops on your bare foot in da morning.

"Floppy Disk"

What you get from piling too much wood.

"Drive"

Getting home during most of the winter in Kentucky.

"Prompt"

What you wish da mail was during the snow season.

"Enter"

Come on in.

"Windows"

What you shut when it gets 10 below.

"Screen"

What is a must during black fly season.

"Chip"

What you munch during Wildcat's games.

"Microchip"

What's left in da bag when da chips are gone.

"Dot Matrix"

Eino Matrix's wife.

"Laptop"

Where da grandkids sit.

"Software"

Them plastic picnic utensils, eh?.

"Mainframe"

Da part of da sauna that holds up da roof.

"Port"

Where da commercial fishin boats dock.

"Random Access Memory"

Whan you can't remember how much you spent on da new deer rifle when Wifee asks about it.

"Fonts"

That really cool guy from the show, Happy Days.

"Laptop"

Where the stripper sits.

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