DUMB REDNECK JOKES

Driving Etiquette for Rednecks

• Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
• When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
• Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
• When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
• NeVer relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
• Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit in.
• Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If

• you use your lightsaber to cut the bottlecap off a beer.
• you say "these are not the beers you are looking for."
• that "disturbance in the Force" was just last night's baked beans.
• the inside of your house looks more like Dagobah than the outside.
• you call your young apprentice, "Juner.(JR.)"
• you have ever used telekinesis to pull your jeans up.
• the Force isn't the only thing that runs in your family.
• you call Hank Williams Jr. "master".
• your landspeeder has a gun rack.
• you meditate to old CCR records.
• you call Yoda your Li'l green buddy.
• you have ever said, "AngerFearAggressionYankeesthe dark side are they."
• your X-Wing has a still in it.
• your lightsaber has a beer can crusher in the base.
• there is more oil in your robes than in your astromech droid.
• your robes have the Golden Flour label on them.
• you trim your beard and find a Mylock.
• you have ever used a lightsaber to light the barbecue grill . you use Jawas for a drink holders.
• you fight with a lightsaber in one hand and a spit cup in the other.
• you use a Jedi mind trick to stop the beer truck.
• you use your Jedi healing powers to clear up your V.D.
• you think the best use of your lightsaber is picking your teeth.
• you ever lost a hand during a lightsaber fight because you had to spit.
• your Jedi robe is camouflage colored.
• at least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
• you can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
• you can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.
• you think Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets.
• you have ever used the Force in conjunction with fishing / bowling.
• your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son, come on over t' the dark sideit'll be a hoot."
• you have ever had your R2 unit use its arc welding torch to get the barbecue grill to light.
• you jump-start your lightsaber off a car battery.
• you beat the Gammorean Guard in an "ugly" contest.
• your father's name is Garth Vader.
• you got your lightsaber by sending in 750 Skoal Lids.
• you have ever beaten up Han Solo for lookin' at your sister.
• you constantly mistake R2 units for beer kegs.
• you count B.O. as a Jedi power.
• you have ever used a lightsaber to skin a deer.