LONG CELEBRITY JOKES

Liz Taylor gets a brand new 18 year old boy friend. So she goes to her plastic surgeon and says "I want a vigina of an 18 year old women. I don't want this to get out to the papers, no one must know about this."

So the surgery takes place and when she wakes up shes sees three bouqets of flowers. Liz says, "I said I didnt want this to get out!"

"No, No" said the surgeon "the first ones from me and the seond one is from one of the nurses, she's one of your biggest fans and will not tell any one.

"And the third?" Liz inquires.

"The third is from the greatful guy down in the burn unit that just got a new pair of ears."

10) Ellen DeGeneres-- Suffocates in the closet

9) Susan Lucci--Trips and breaks her neck while running up steps to accept an Emmy

8) Jenny McCarthy--Struck by a random thought

7) Frank Sinatra--Killed by Strangers in the Night

6) RuPaul--Prostate cancer

5) O.J. Simpson--Murdered by the "real killer" in an apparent suicide

4) Madonna--Exposure

3) Unabomber--Mail bomb returned due to "insufficient postage"

2) Al Gore--Dutch Elm Disease

and the *Predicted* NUMBER ONE MOST IRONIC CELEBRITY DEATH IS:

1) Bill Gates--Falls out of a Window

George Bush virus: Causes your computer to think it won the election, even though the motherboard and fatherboard bought it.

Bill Clinton virus: Gives you a 7-Inch Hard Drive with NO memory.

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer.

Bob Dole virus: Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.

Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

Jesse Jackson virus: Warns you constantly about illegitimate file reproduction, while illegitimately reproducing files in the background.

Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.

Lorena Bobbit virus: Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.

Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus: Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them.

Ellen Degeneres virus: Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC.

Prozac virus: Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.

Tim Allen virus: Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact.

Linda Tripp virus: Makes copies of your personal files and forwards them to the authorities.

Ken Starr virus: Expands a focused search of a specific file into a global interregation of every existing file. Creates links between unrelated data. Works extremely slow while searching and compiling results.

Al Gore virus: Runs quietly in background mode but doesn't appear to really do much of anything.

Tonya Harding virus: Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons.

Jerry Seinfeld virus: Program about nothing that exits when you're really enjoying it.

Pee Wee Herman virus: Exposes your confidential files to everyone.

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.