Good Top Ten Lists

GOOD TOP TEN LISTS

Top Ten Signs Your Cat May Be Trying To Kill You

Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.
You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch.
Cyanide pawprints all over the house.
You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed.
Droppings in litter box spell out "REDRUM."
Catch him with a new mohawk looking in the mirror saying, "Mew looking at me? Mew looking at me?"
Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.
Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.
You find a piece of paper labelled "MY WIL" which says "LEEV AWL 2 KAT."
Now sharpens claws on your car's brake lines.

Top Ten Signs You've Had Too Much Coffee

Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
You can jump-start your car without cables.

Top Ten Reasons Why It's Great To Be A Guy

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Monday Night Football.
Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
You can open all your own jars.
Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight.
Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.
Your butt is never a factor in job interviews.