Best Top Ten Lists

BEST TOP TEN LISTS

Letterman - Top 10 Dumb Guy Complaints About "The Lord of the Rings"

10. "I expected something, you know, more Hobbity"

9. "'Middle Earth' scenes clearly shot on regular Earth"

8. "It was real long and not a cartoon"

7. "Accidentally put butter on my Twizzlers"

6. "My name is Stu -- how come there aren't any Hobbits named Stu?"

5. "Where the hell is Chewbacca?"

4. "If they're going to have magic, why not bring back the rapping kangaroo?"

3. "Couldn't focus on movie -- kept thinking about how I blew all my money on the Giants"

2. "I kept trying to talk to Frodo, but he ignored me like he's 'all that'"

1. "I haven't seen it yet -- I'm too busy governing California"

Top 10 Questions Asked By Saddam Hussein When He Was Captured

10. "Be honest...have you ever seen a nicer spider hole than this?"

9. "Who's got a coat hanger -- this beard itches like a son of a bitch!"

8. "Anyone have a mint?"

7. "Is this about the illegal music downloads?"

6. "Am I going to be on 'Cops'?"

5. "Which describes me better right now -- 'haggard' or 'grizzled'?"

4. "How did you get past my impenetrable styrofoam brick?"

3. "Do I get the 25-million-dollar reward?"

2. "How's the war going?"

1. "Will you go easy on me if I tell you where Martha Stewart is hiding?"

Top 10 Secrets Learned From Saddam Hussein's Papers

10. "Saddam" is Kurdish for "Duane"

9. Had just acquired a New York City cabdriver's license

8. Surprisingly, dots his "I"s with hearts

7. You won't find a bigger Clay Aiken fan

6. Four of clubs? Gay

5. His "divine plan for world domination" was written on back of Blimpie's coupon

4. Continued to name himself "Iraqi of the Month" right through November

3. Was working on a book of "You Might Be a Dictator If..." jokes

2. Funneled money to ABC to throw Trista and Ryan a fabulous wedding

1. He wrote letters to "Penthouse" under name "Sexy in Spider Hole"