GOOD CELEBRITY JOKES

What did Haley Joel Osment find on the top of Mt. Everest?
Icey dead people

Why did McCauley Culkin get married?
He was tired of being home alone.

What is Arnold Schwarzenegger's favorite web site?
Alta Vista baby.

What does Hannibal Lecter call Britney Spears?
Dinner at Hooters!

Did you hear about Woody Allen's latest movie?
It's called "Honey, I Married the Kids"

What dessert doesn't Puff Daddy like any more?
J-Lo! (Jello)

Have you heard about the Sharon Stone virus?
It makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it's there.

...or how about the Mike Tyson virus?
It quits after one byte!

Why did Harry Potter have to retake his first year at Hogwarts?
Because he couldn't spell!

Did you know James T Kirk had 3 ears?
His left ear, his right ear and his final frontier

One night after the big fight Mike Tyson was a bit depressed so he dicided to get a prostitute to cheer him up. After the act, they were laying in bed having a smoke. The prostitute said "Well Mike, how's it all going?"

"How's it all going?" he asked. "My life's a disaster. I was born to an under-priveleged family, had a hard up-bringing, was thrown in jail for rape, now I'm on parole and I've hit a cop, my wife left me for beating her up, I have to pay maintenance for my kids. I've lost two world title fights, I've disgraced myself and my sport, most people want me banned for life and they won't pay me my money. Nothing could make my life any worse!"

"Oh, that's so sad" the prostitute said. "I'll say one thing to cheer you up. You're a much better lover than Magic Johnson!"

There are three engineers in a car, an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.

The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical engineeer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.

Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why don`t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it`ll work !?"