Funny Celebrity Jokes

FUNNY CELEBRITY JOKES

Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room. "Who do you want to play?" Spielberg asked Bruce Willis. "I've always been a big fan of Chopin," said Bruce. "I'll play him." "And you, Sylvester?" asked Spielberg. "Mozart's the one for me!" said Sly. "And what about you?" Spielberg asked Arnold Schwarzenegger. "I'll be Bach," said Arnie.

Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking goofy!"

What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Santa Claus?
A. Some people still believe in Santa Claus.

Q. What's the difference between Hillary and Bill?
A. Hillary doesn't get caught.

Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and greyhound racing?
A. The greyhounds wait for the hairs to come out.

Q. What do you call 5 dogs with no balls?
A. The Spice Girls!

Q. What are the two worst things about Bill Clinton?
A. His face.

Q. What is the difference between Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton and Jane Fonda?
A. One has two boobs, the others *are* two boobs.

Q. How did Bill and Hillary Clinton meet?
A. They were dating the same girl in high school.

Q. Bill and Hillary and Al and Tipper takes a boat ride, the boat capsizes, who gets saved?
A. The United States of America!

Q. What does Hillary do after she shaves her pussy every morning?
A. Sends him to work!

Q. Why did all the faggots vote for Clinton?
A. Because faggots like assholes better than Bush.

Q. Why doesn't Bill like old houses?
A. He's afraid of the draft.

Q. When will there be a woman in the White House?
A. When Hillary leaves town.

Q. What does JFK Jr. miss most about Martha's Vineyard?
A. The runway.

Q. What was JFK Jr. drinking at the time of the crash?
A. Ocean Spray.

Q. How did JFK Jr. learn how to fly?
A. He took a crash course.

Q. Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?
A. Her dog was blind too.

Q. What did Helen Keller's parents do to punish her for swearing?
A. Washed her hands with soap.

Q. Why did Bill Clinton stop playing the saxophone?
A. He was too busy playing the hormonica.

Q. Do you know why Monica got a stain on her dress?
A. She didn't keep her mouth shut!

Q. What does Wal-Mart, Zellers and Michael Jackson have in common?
A. Boy's underwear half off.

Q. 100 Women Surveyed, "Would you have sex with Bill Clinton?"
A. 80% said not again.

Q. What's green and smells like Monica Lewinsky?
A. The pool table in the oval office.

A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as President Clinton appeared on the television. After a few sips, he looked up at the television and mumbled, "Now, there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen." A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and decked him.

A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, Hillary Clinton appeared on the television. "She's a horse's ass too," the man. This time, a customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and knocked him off his stool. "Damn it!" the man said, climbing back up to the bar. "This must be Clinton country!"
"Nope," the bartender replied. "Horse country!"