FAVORITE REDNECK JOKES

You Might Be a Certified Redneck If...

Any time your kids see a dog they get out their ropes and lasso it and tackle it to the ground.

Your master bathroom has the words "porta" and "potty" written on the side.

You can't take a bath in the winter 'cause the stream is frozen.

You only bathe when it rains.

You think "Dueling Banjos" is classical music.

You refer to the Surgeon General's Warning on a pack of cigarettes as your medical encyclopedia.

You go to garage sales to shop for Christmas gifts.

You're 42 and still have clowns come to your birthday party.

You trim your beard and find a French fry.

You use a piece of bread as a napkin.

You wear overalls to save on the cost of shirts and underwear.

Your birth announcements included the words "rug rat".

Your car alarm eats dog food.

Your car burns more oil than gas.

Your flashlight holds more than four batteries.

Your horse can count higher than you.

You can name all the characters from the "Dukes of Hazzard".

You recite lines from "The Dukes of Hazzard".

You keep track of all the belt holders in all the wrestling leagues.

You got married in the family car, in a drive-thru chapel.

You search your computer monitor for the dial that changes channels.

Your idea of a fancy dessert is "moon pie ala mode".

You just bought your family their lst Atari game system.

An expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.

You watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.

Your secret family recipe is illegal.

Your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.

Your baby's favorite teething ring is the garden hose in the front yard.

Your coat-of-arms features kudzu.

Your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.